Share Heart-to-Heart Hugs

Around the world, humans are hugging loved ones liver to liver. Instead, let’s embrace heart to heart! Here is the technique. It has long been forgotten, and we are working to remind the world of heart-to-heart hugs.

HOW TO HUG HEART TO HEART

Happy mother embracing and kissing her sonLean to the right. Bring together left shoulders to come together heart-to-heart, embrace one another, and share heart energy (add a kiss if you desire). When we hug heart to heart, our energy fields expand together.

Lead by raising your left arm and dipping your right arm. What happens when
you do this? In this time of creating a habit with the heart-to-heart hug, the other person may get thrown off balance, take a miss step, or stop in their tracks and beseech you with an inquisitive look.

If this happens, take a moment and explain that “this is a Heart-to-Heart Hug.”

njabuls-heart-to-heart-slowdanceLike a dance, this hug is choreographed by leading with left arm raised, taking a slight dip to the right, and embracing so that our hearts physically connect, sharing heart feelings; love, compassion, empathy.

SHARE HEART ENERGY—NOT LIVER ENERGY

This is a shift from our current habit of hugging with our right shoulders coming together. In this embrace we share the energy of our livers where our emotions of anger, resentment, and trauma are stored. No thank you!

Instead, let us come together in heartness, heart to heart. Connect and share appreciation with each other—hugging stimulates your nervous system, decreases loneliness, combats fear, increases self-esteem, defuses tension.

Open your heart to give and to receive. Linger in the embrace. Go through the moment of discomfort and allow your self to relax. Take a breath. Feel the gentle drumming of two hearts in a chord of accord.

HUG YOUR WAY HEALTHY

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” — Virginia Satir

A hug has an almost immediate impact on health, lowering heart rate and inducing a calming effect while also leading to an improved mood! Hugging is as beneficial for the person giving the hug as for the person receiving the hug due to the reciprocal nature of touch.

Your body produces oxytocin in response to physical touch. The neuropeptide oxytocin, released by your pituitary gland, is a naturally occurring hormone in your body with incredibly powerful, health-giving properties.

WRAP UP YOURSELF IN HEART TO HEART HUGS

So, hugging is an incredible way to bond with others and to boost physical, and emotional, health. Make an effort to hug the people close to you and get hugs in return! Make every hug a hearty heart-to-heart hug.

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A Moving Experience

tableware-555203_960_720The commitment of moving in with your significant other is fun—like breakfast in bed, housewarming parties, or decorating together. It’s a big step for your relationship; also for your stuff. Sort out things beforehand for a smooth move.

First, build a strong foundation for your finances. Financial aspects of your new life together can affect everything from rent or mortgage payments to grocery expenses. Create a plan to manage your debt, expenses, and credit. Then outline living arrangements such as chores. Take these steps to get a handle on matters and smooth out details ahead of time, so you’ll avoid disagreements and hard feelings later.

BUDGET Disclose your gross income and your liabilities, and what you afford for household expenses. Then outline the budget for your combined monthly living expenses. Include these items.

  • Rent (or down payment and mortgage)
  • Utilities- Gas, Electric, Water, Cable, Network
  • Household Insurance
  • Food and Supplies
  • Miscellany – including saving for repair, lean times*
  • Entertainment – hosting a party, decorating

Also figure out when your monthly bills are due to avoid late payments. Track your spending as a couple (apps and online programs can link to your bank and savings accounts, as well as sync yours and your partner’s app accounts for these). Stay aligned with your financial commitments and goals.

ACCOUNT Open a joint checking account, and an attached joint savings account. Savings* is where you keep a minimum of $1000 and aim to have enough money to cover 3-6 months of expenses should an emergency strike. Commit to ante up for share of bills on a certain date monthly or weekly (if one of you brings home a significantly larger paycheck than the other, you might choose to divvy up the responsibility differently).

Maintain separate accounts for personal savings, investments, clothing, cellphone, medical, treating one another, dates, and etc.

CHORES Outline chores. Split them. Be flexible.

ROLES Define roles will each of you play in running the household. If you rent an apartment, both partners should put their names on the lease. If one of you is renting and the other is the owner, clarify responsibilities of landlord and tenant.

STUFF Living together likely means you won’t be able to keep all the stuff you both have so take time together to choose what stays and what goes. Invest in a storage space for personal items that don’t fit in but you desire keeping.
Rearrange your space together.

  • Keep track of furniture and household goods ownership for.
  • For major purchases that are separate, keep them documented.
  • Make joint purchases in both names.

Remain unattached to most things. Focus on what is most essential. Be respectful of one another.

COMMUNICATE Consider how you will manage disagreements. Remain objective when discussing perspectives about spending and saving and sharing. You don’t want to resent your partner because you ended up paying for something you didn’t think was fair. Check in with one another always. Express appreciation to one another for everything.

AGREEMENT  The above outlines your agreement and reflects validation of the importance of your relationship by your willingness to put in writing your rights, responsibilities and obligations to that relationship, and to one another. Be firm and flexible as you commit to the well-being of your partner and your relationship.

Summarize how much each partner will pay for rent, who will cover what household duties, when bills are due, and other space-sharing arrangements. Revisit this agreement whenever necessary, such as when one partner’s income level changes. Revise it as you require.

Merging household and finances can be stressful. With planning and open communication, you can smooth the merger. Should moving in together expand to marriage or children, you may require taking budgeting to another level. Evaluate and re-evaluate finances as a couple under one roof as a practice that will ensure staying aligned.

Designate responsibilities to make sure that one person isn’t taking on more housework than the other. Then move on to the fun of setting up your household. Manage expectations and set up ground rules before sets you up for a smooth move.

Making Relationships Work

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. How do we honor the bonds that bind? John Gottman PhD has spent his lifetime studying marriage.  Based on his findings, he has culled seven essential keys to the success of a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.  Here are the principles espoused from:  Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Maintain a love map. Love is in the details. Get familiar with those details. In your memory, create a detailed “love map” of relevant information about your significant other. A favorite movie, a current stress, a life dream. And share yours with them.

Foster fondness and admiration. Choose to see the best in your significant other. Embrace shortcomings with compassion. Show respect for each other. Hold a general positive view of each other.

Turn toward instead of away from one another. Relationships thrive in the day-to-day little things. Let your significant other know you value them. Show it regularly during the daily grind life. Encourage one another. Take time to listen and respond—even if it means postponing an important discussion till you can give it your attention.

Accept influence. Consider your significant other’s perspective and feelings. Make decisions together. Find the common ground. Let your partner influence you and share your influence, too. Honor and respect each other in the relationship.

Solve solvable conflicts. There are two types of problems: conflicts that can be resolved and perpetual problems that can’t. Determine which ones are which. Here are five steps for resolving conflict:

  • Start the conversation without criticism or contempt.
  • Make and receive repair attempts—actions or statements that reduce tension.
  • Soothe yourself and then your significant other. Admit when you are overwhelmed and take a 20-minute break (the time it takes for your body to calm down). When you’re calmed, offer soothing to your significant other. Ask each other what’s most comforting and do that.
  • Compromise. In conflict, always take your partner’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. Find common ground. List non-negotiable points. List what you can accept. Share these with each other. Find agreements, common goals, and feelings.
  • Be tolerant of each other’s faults. Compromise is possible when you accept your partner.

Cope with conflicts you can’t resolve. Manage perpetual problems by moving from gridlock to dialogue. Usually gridlock is due to unfulfilled dreams. It is a sign that life dreams aren’t being respected by each other. Realize  the importance of assisting each other in manifesting dreams. Talk through issues to build understanding.

Create shared meaning. Develop a culture with shared rituals. Appreciate your roles. Outline goals that align direction and vision. Understand what it means to be a part of the relationship.

Wow.  Think about it, this could also apply to friendships, parent-child relationships, employee relations, and etc…  some really helpful concepts.

May the Force Always Be with You  …  Age and the Workforce

In the cycle of life, we round the corner into the era of an “aging” workforce.  We have been here before, and we will return here, again and again.  This lifecycle affects companies, small and large, and employees at every level of their careers.  So, whatever role you play at whichever stage of your career, this is a history lesson for here and now.

Lesson 1:  People Retire, Talent Thrives
With experienced employees reaching retirement, companies lose rich resources from the day-to-day goings on.  Companies can still tap the talent.  Many retirees wish to spend time with colleagues and enjoy the stimulation of work.  Also, they have earned a balance that includes more leisure time.  So, consider the flexibility of consulting.  Retirees are the perfect pinch-hitters for projects that need extra person-power.  The pool of experience is a ready resource for varying demand.

And, if you are one of those entering retirement, and you wish to keep a toe in the workforce, offer your skills as a consultant.  For employees still circling the water cooler, keeping in touch with exiting colleagues is a great way to have a comrade to whom you can turn for advice.

Lesson 2: Build Bridges
Companies and individuals can benefit from mentorship bonds within the organization or within the community.  The mentor-mentee relationship promotes understanding, and leads to mutual investment in success.  Often, these relationships flourish beyond the work environment.  If your company doesn’t have a mentor program, reach out and set up your own network.  Select a teacher if you are just beginning, choose a protégé if you are more tenured.

When nearing retirement, thwart resentment toward career beginners, especially if nurturing hurt from falling short of personal goals.  Be mindful of your personal motivations.  Make peace with your self.  When one is okay with one’s self, there is no need to make another wrong.

Throughout a blossoming career, it is wise to learn from those who have blazed the path before, even while making your own mark.  Be respectful.  Open your mind to the possibility that, even though you may “know it all,” there are still some treasures to be found.  One gentleman posted this for all to learn:  Everyone has an Opinion; Judgment is from Experience.

Lesson 3:  Stay In Touch
No matter what stage in your career, it is vital to stay current with trends, innovations, and technology.  Embracing new ways of doing things keeps talent fresh.  Cross-pollinating industry ideas spawns inventiveness. When entering the workforce, while advancing in the workforce, and as one gets ready to depart the workforce, do not leave “learning” behind.

There are creative ways to accomplish this.  Companies can encourage learning in many ways, one of the most efficient being on-site seminars.  Employees can inspire educational programs by working with HR or launching “brown bag” lunch events.  Here is an opportunity to enlist the senior staff members to give presentations in order to share their expertise.  And, newbies can find presentation experience by researching and lecturing about a topic.  Sharpen the pencil, the wit, the mind and feed the soul of an ever wiser organization.

Lesson 4:  Work Today & Plan for Tomorrow
One of the most helpful benefits a company can offer in support of retirement is the 401k.  With or without matching funds, the 401k brings mindfulness to saving, and makes it easy.

If one is fortunate enough to have enlisted in a program early in one’s career, one will find a nice nest egg to support their dreams after the “9 to 5” gig.  And, there is a world of opportunity for both work and play in the after-retirement-life.

Lesson 5:  While Talent is Tops, Character Commands
At any age, kindness, wisdom, honesty, loyalty, perseverance combined with ability will be the meter of our life’s work.  As the world’s children learn the pillars of character at home and at school, adults should further develop and encourage mindfulness of virtue ~ especially as ethics are challenged in an increasingly competitive world.

Companies can encourage truthfulness, respect, fairness, caring, responsibility, citizenship, and other virtues through business practices, policy, and by annually rewarding such behavior and the person who personifies character through the course of business.  Employees can bring these qualities to every facet of their lives.  Let the best of you rule you.

Got questions?  Got comments?  Let me know. Live well and live in peace.

Tamara Parisio is a freelance writer and an entrepreneur.  With a blended perspective from Journalism, Advertising, Toys, Giftware, Entertainment, Real Estate, and Beauty, to family life and personal interests, Tamara reflects upon her experiences to provide hope filled musings on beauty and wellness, business and living for people of all ages.

Girls, Gals, — Grannies …

Through the decades, we wear many hats … sometimes through a day they can vary …

I am me. In me I see you. In you I see me…. did I mention that I have experience in copywriting, advertising, product management, marketing, landscaping, interior design, real estate, sales, viticulture, food service, and as a fitness trainer … mom to daughter and son, guru to my mom … and I love to cook, paint, run, draw, hike, write, read, and get lost in conversation about the most controversial but meaningful things (we can agree to disagree, but let’s attempt to find understanding).

As a girl, I dreamed of being a singer, songwriter and guitarist. I had hopes of a talk show, too. Then I considered fashion design, but I was afraid to follow it. Early in my career, I found success but not the support or network I needed to follow my passion. The path I followed was pedestrian, my journey through was outside-the-box. I did “their things” in “my way.”

Stop. I am at a crossroads. There is still an inner voice calling me. Yet, I cannot hear her. Or perhaps I don’t understand. Do you have that voice, that feeling of something left undone? Are you confused by it? I am. And I shall meditate, contemplate, procrastinate until clarity comes. Then I can dance again …

This is a ramble but it is important. The fiber that weaves feminine DNA comes through me and you, connecting us on some level. And if we can recognize that connection, we all grow and we each grow. So reach for it. Look for that which unites us through time and space. Find yourself there. We each have a place.

Me, I feel fragmented. Splintered. Yet whole. Scattered, perhaps. That must be from reaching so far through time. But right here right now, I feel lost among you, lost among me. What is our collective dream? I shall peel back the onionskin to find the core. And through my tears I will see which hat to don next, and which to offer to you.

Time Travel

Setting goals can be daunting. Finding direction sometimes leaves me lost. Still, I must look to myself for my answers. And if I find a plan that works, I must share it in the hopes it will help you, too. So, here’s one to ponder.

If you could go through time and ask your self – many years in the future – a question, what would it be? Hmmm, I think mine would be “what should I start doing today to be on the ‘happy dance’ track?” She would know regrets. From her perch, could see opportunities I might overlook. In this interaction, I will see the me I wish to be and she will be my guide to getting there.

I could ask her about my career, my relationships, my spiritual self, my sense of style, even…. So imagine having this conversation. Listen to the advice from the future you – the you you aim to be.

Next, look back to your self, many years ago. Ask her what she needs. Send her some encouragement. Ask her what she thinks (and hear her praise for how well you handled things with the knowledge you had at the time). Find out what she would avoid going forward.

Come back to now. Look yourself in the mirror. Embrace today. It is the only one you have. Tomorrow you will morph one day closer into the you you aim to be.